For years, holiday parenting plan schedules have been a mix of the standard “alternate the holidays” mixed with an argument regarding which parent gets Christmas. Holiday parenting plans can be so much more than that. They can be a tool to maximize extended weekends to allow a parent to take the children on a short trip, a way for parents to think about what is best for their children and what that will look like in the future, and an opportunity for parents to build good-will towards one another which often will improve other aspects of their co-parenting relationship.
Here are some advanced tips for maximizing the holiday parenting time schedule:
1) Prioritize what will be best for your children. Frequently, in parental fights over the holiday schedule, parents forget to think about what will be best for the children. If the children love the tradition of having every Christmas Eve at their maternal grandmother’s house, why is one parent trying to argue that the holiday should be alternated?
2) Take advantage of those “forgotten” holidays to allow a parent a three-day weekend with the children. President’s Day is not nearly as popular as Thanksgiving but including it and the attached weekend into the holiday parenting time schedule allows a parent to have a three-day weekend. Up north adventure?
3) Extend holidays when children are off school. Thanksgiving is one day, but Thanksgiving break is 2 days plus the weekend. If the Fourth of July is on a Thursday, few people work on Friday which means that the Fourth could be extended until Sunday which creates a four-day weekend.
4) Consider how the holiday schedule will affect your future relationships. Parents often split the Christmas holiday (one parent gets Christmas Eve and the other gets Christmas Day) and to a lesser degree they will split Thanksgiving (one parent gets until 4PM and the other parent gets the remainder of the day). Splitting holidays in that matter will likely have a detrimental effect on your future relationship especially in the case where your future partner’s family lives out of state and they are unable to spend holidays with you and their family due to the holiday schedule.
5) Accept that you will no longer get to spend every holiday on the day of the holiday with your children and brainstorm no traditions your family can make. Your family Christmas does not have to occur on December 25th, it can occur every Saturday the week before Christmas.
6) Keep transportation in mind when thinking about the holiday parenting time schedule. If your family’s Christmas Eve celebration is in Grand Marais and the other parent’s family’s Christmas Day celebration is in Apple Valley (4.5-hour drive assuming good road conditions), doing an exchange at 8AM on Christmas Day is generally not advisable.
7) Be kind and reasonable with your co-parent in settling the schedule and agreeing to modifications in the future.
8) Contemplate the possibility of sharing some holidays. Depending on the holiday and the parents, this possibility can work out quite well. Joint birthday parties, both parents participating in Halloween, or sharing Easter brunch can all be reasonable alternatives.
9) Define holidays by days and time. Often conflict arises when a schedule states “Easter, odd Mother”. The conflict can be lessened by saying, “Easter at 9AM until 4PM”.
10) Question whether all holidays need to be rotated. Often, client’s think that “if she got Easter last year, I get Easter this year”. It does not necessarily have to be like that. Maybe, coloring eggs, putting together baskets, setting up Easter egg hunts, and taking the kids to church was important to her and the kids together. Maybe, decorating the house, going shopping for costumes, and sifting through Halloween candy until late at night with the kids was important to you and the kids together. If one parent had a special connection with the children during certain holidays, consider agreeing to allowing the parent to have that holiday every year.
If you have questions regarding your family law matter or you are considering starting a divorce or custody action, please contact the Rybicka Law Office, PLLC at 612.573.3690 for a complimentary consult.
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