You open the mail and find a “Summons and Petition for Dissolution” or you are personally served with the documents. Regardless of whether or not the divorce is expected, that moment can be surreal and cause a significant amount of panic. Are you kidding me? What do I do now? What happens next? Here are five steps to insure that you are on the right track to effectively addressing your divorce.
1. Just breathe. Reacting in anger is the worst possible choice. Yes, you are obviously upset, but expressing anger in an inappropriate way (such as texting your spouse threats or a description of how you are going to win everything because they are such a_____) will do nothing but potentially hurt your case. Take a deep breath and decide to move forward in your divorce in a productive and thoughtful way.
2. Read all of the documents . Find a quiet half an hour (not the five minutes that you sit in the car waiting to pick up the kids from soccer) and actually read all of the divorce documents. You may be surprised to find that your spouse is asking for something you would be agreeable to. Regardless, at least you will know what they are asking for in the divorce. (Be sure to remember that sometimes these documents are drafted to ask for significantly more than what your spouse wants as a negotiation tool within the divorce.)
3. Act. To insure that you get to fully participate in your divorce, be conscious that there are time deadlines. Ignoring the deadlines may mean that you don’t get to participate or don’t get to fully participate in your divorce. Being served with divorce documents is not the type of thing that you can put into a pile and deal with “eventually”.
4. Get an attorney. After you have read the documents, it is time to get an attorney. Ask friends and family members who have been divorced (or had some other family law matter) what they thought of their divorce attorney (and also what they thought of the opposing attorney in their case). Friends or family members that are attorneys can also supply you with referrals. Most local bar associations have referral services as well. Once you have a couple of names, call and make appointments immediately making sure to note that you have been served with divorce papers.
Contrary to what many people think, everybody can get legal advice. If you are struggling financially, consider finding a free or low cost clinic. These clinics can be found through the courts, local non-profits, or your county’s bar association. Some lawyers offer sliding scale or unbundled legal services that allow you to choose which services you want the attorney to handle for you. Most attorneys offer initial consults at no or at a low hourly rate to allow you to determine whether the lawyer will be a good fit.
5. Gather documents.Start to put together documents so that you will be fully prepared to move forward in your divorce. Find tax returns, pay stubs (for you and your spouse), business records, debt documents (such as recent mortgage statements, credit card bills, medical bills, and student loans), asset documents (home or real property appraisals, bank account statements, brokerage account statements, and retirement statements) and make copies.
We are here to help you not just get through your divorce, but to thrive afterwards. If you are in the Twin Cities metro area and would like to speak with a divorce attorney to set up a complimentary consultation, please contact the Rybicka Law Office, PLLC at 612.573.3690.
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