Maybe you have made the decision to end your marriage, but you just can’t get started. Or maybe you have just started the process and it feels overwhelming. In the back of your mind, you are thinking about the movie War of The Roses and you are really, really hoping that is not how all divorces go or at least not how your divorce will go. You are hoping for a divorce like like Crazy, Stupid, Love or preferably so boring that no one would never make a movie about it.
Divorce is painful. It can be expensive. It can be time consuming. But (there is always a but) you have some control over it.
1. Choose your battles.
Nobody wins everything in a contested divorce (and any honest divorce lawyer will tell you that). One of the keys to divorcing smartly, is to think about what is really important and why is it important to you (yes, you need the “what” and the “why”). Don’t just think about it, write it down. Make a chart with three columns:
- List each issue (such as “Visa card payments”),
- State what you want to have happen (such as such “I want my spouse to be responsible for the debt on the Visa card”), and finally
- Why it is important to you.
After you finish the list, organize it so the most important issue to you is at the top and the least important issue is at the bottom. Focus on the issues that are the most important to you. This is a great way to give you some control and will help you focus on the end game
2. Remember there is affordable help.
You have so much control regarding how much your divorce costs. If you want to save on legal fees, consider hiring an attorney and using unbundled legal services which can allow you to access just a couple of hours with the attorney or have the attorney draft documents for you. Recognize that there are alternatives to the Court process such as mediation. If you believe there will be ongoing child custody issues, consider including a parenting consultant in your final divorce document.
3. You don’t have to do it alone.
Feeling alone in the divorce process is common, but a good attorney can connect you to important resources. Perhaps you need help even conceptualizing a co-parenting relationship? A specific co-parenting class or meeting with a parenting coach may help you feel more in control. Are you absolutely lost in terms of financial issues, how to put together a budget or even gather the proper documents? A financial professional can help by organizing your finances, showing you what your standard of living was during the marriage, and projecting what you will need after the divorce. Have you been a stay at home parent who knows they need to re-enter the job market but doesn’t know what you want to do, how long it will take before you can do that, and how much money you will make? An employment expert can sit down with you and put together a plan. These and many more resources exist to help you begin your next chapter.
4. Remember the endgame.
So often in the divorce process, clients become so focused on the means that they forget the end game. While obviously, it is important to be present in your divorce, you also have to start thinking about what you want your life to look like when it is done and how you are going to get there. Maybe during your marriage you felt that you neglected pursuing other interests or wanted to pursue a different career? This is the time to start thinking about these goals and start moving towards them!
5. Decide to trust your divorce professional.
Early in the divorce process after I have had my first legal activity (meaning a mediation or helping a client put together a temporary parenting schedule), I frequently hear the same thing from clients, “I was so nervous about hiring a lawyer because I did not think that they would really listen to me”. A good divorce attorney will always really, truly listen to their clients. Sometimes it means that the attorney and client will not agree on everything, but they will discuss it until they both understand each other’s perspective and what the plan is moving forward. Clients are amazed by how much less stressed they are once they begin trusting their attorney.
We are here to help you not just get through your divorce, but to thrive afterwards. If you would like to speak with a divorce attorney to set up a complimentary consultation, please contact the Rybicka Law Office, PLLC at 612.573.3690.
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